So... day 9 of heavy flow comes to an end... I measured about 15ml of fluid in my diva cup this evening, collected between 4:30 and 11:30. I go to the doctor on Tuesday afternoon. All my fears about infertility are waking up slowly, and I keep hearing what they said before about hysterectomy and I just want to cry big fat sloppy tears.
I guess I am going to have to get used to the idea of the ONE thing I have wanted for years not happening. I know there are treatments, and I can possibly get pregnant, but I don't want to get my hopes to far up. I am feeling sad, disappointed, and oh so helpless, all guaranteed to make type a personalities like me a walking basket case.
I don't need this stress on top of all the other things, it just feels like, I can't keep my head from going under. I want to lay down, and sleep for days. Life would be so perfect if I could afford to rest, and not worry about house, school, work, and wedding. I mean it when I say that I will take a break after August 13th. I will not take on anything above and beyond what I must do to survive. I will work, be with my new husband, sleep, read books, and hope that I get pregnant.
I don't know if you pray dear reader, but if you do, please say a small prayer for me. I am selfish to ask, I know...
I'm sorry for the roller coaster... I am hoping that be the end of next week I'll be in better shape.
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